quotes

December 14, 2007
I'm almost wondering if pre-heating the oven is actually necessary.
Hot Dog Man - successful usage of three words/phrases that get under my skin. almost wondering, pre-heating, and actually.

September 11, 2007
The realist sees the half full-glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Some book - Plato and a Platypus

September 12, 2006
I don't think that's a word.
John Schaeffer - said in a solid matter-of-factly manner when Eric Dobies, in the middle of asking a question, said "It may be an overassumption if we..." And he was right.

September 8, 2006
There's danger in making things mean something. Humans are walking random meaning generators.
Erica Dobies, a comment that I find to be very true. Some offenses are created in the mind. Let them go.

September 3, 2006
Somewhere there's a squirrel having a really bad day.
Mark Ymca, When an arrow ricocheted from the target into the trees at a YMCA camp.

August 13, 2006
I was married once before. It was the worst three months of my life.
Eric Dobies, looking to the future with his new wife.

August 12, 2006
They probably don't have necks.
While traveling and passing a sign advertising 5 t-shirts for 5 dollars, this reason for the sale was given by my dad.

April 19, 2006
"RNF" is just a sound a very big tiger makes when it agrees with you.
Bill G. - The man behind Zippy answered my email about this strip!

March 15, 2006
Can we just have a blank screen come up if someone clicks on "Need Help"?
Erica Dobies - After deciding that a new item did not require a help page, deciding that a new item did not require a help page, this question was asked.

January 16, 2006
Now we need a gun that shoots hot chocolate.
John Schaeffer - After bringing in the marshmallow shooter from thinkgeek, and seeing its power, it was obvious there was a need for more.

July 1, 2005
When information follows a pattern, don't store the information, just store the pattern.
Amitai Schlair - on topics such as strength of a person in a crowd and proper ways to affect change.

June 15, 2005
So when does four come out?
Erica Dobies - at the age of 11, asking her Dad this question having just seen Revenge of the Sith.

April 14, 2005
As a rule of general thumb, ...
Erica Dobies - Who is this General Thumb, and why do I have to follow his rules?

January 19, 2005
I wish I'm you.
The sweetest thing a 5 year-old-boy can say to his dad.

January 11, 2005
How much of the time you estimated do you think it will take?
Uh... All of it?

October 31, 2004
Why should we listen to girls? They don't listen to us!
7 year old boy to his Dad. His dad agreed.

October 25, 2004
Hourly or Sourly?
David Johnson - Slip of the office tongue

October 25, 2004
Should the zero be in caps?
Eric Dobies - I was trying to walk a user through entering a password on a website, this was their response to 'type a zero'.

June 6, 2004
First grade was easy too, but it still took a year to do it.
David Johnson

May 6, 2004
You can't put a 20 pound bag of sh*t into a 10 pound bag. You just can't.
A co-worker explaining the workload and the expectations in our department.

April 6, 2004
She's wound so tight she has to fart out of her belly button.
That was me talking about a tightly wound person

February 20, 2004
I'm not nagging you, I am reminding you.
A wife said this to her husband. Even if it was true that she was reminding him, it still sounded funny to me.

August 5, 2003
Daddy, my penny fell in the toilet, but don't worry, I got it out.
For the sake of their future, I won't say which one of my kids said this.

April 29, 2003
It's better than Windows Solitaire.
When it was mentioned that Linux had a Solitaire application to keep all the housewives happy, this comment was spoken. It's a grinley comment. Meaning I grin when I say it in my head.

April 8, 2003
They're taught not to.
Kaiser Permanente Representative speaking to employees who were about to go on the Kaiser Insurance HMO plan. The question was "Can a Kaiser physician prescribe a drug that isn't on the formulary?"

January 24, 2003
You'll have so much more fun when your voice lowers.
Robert Kovach

December 13, 2002
If your web site is so dependent on the visual presentation that nobody would use it if it was plain text, then frankly that's a pretty useless website.
Lafarga on #html, irc.

December 2, 2002
If it has a uniform on, lie to it.
Robert Kovach speaking on a recent t-shirt he had made.

November 20, 2002
We are all screwed, it is just a matter of by who.
Mike Gibson, after my comment of feeling dammed if I do and dammed if I don't.

November 17, 2002
It is better to be alone than to wish that you were.
From a NewsGroup posting. I can relate!

November 13, 2002
Isn't that kind of like O.J. lecturing on Anger Management?
From a NewsGroup posting. Can be applied so many places!

November 7, 2002
Learn HTML and take pride with what you've achieved personally. Do you want to drive a real car, or a remote-controlled one?
This came from a newsgroup, alt.html, when someone suggested an html beginner use Microsoft Frontpage or Macromedia Dreamweaver to learn HTML.

September 26, 2002
This is where we do the hand jobs.
This came from touring a mailing facility. The person who said it didn't say it knowingly. I couldn't help but grin.

August 9, 2002
You look healthy... er.
Rich Pennypacker, after I informed him of my not smoking and not drinking soda.

August 9, 2002
What the hell's a browser?
Rudy Morris, immediately followed by 'quit using these technical terms with me'.

January 17, 2002
There are other things to put in your mouth.
Bob Kovach, on my quitting smoking.

January 8, 2002
My If conditions look like Eric Dobies wrote them
Gibby, very funny to me.

December 27, 2001
Skinny People Rock! Fat People Roll!
geocities site, just thought it was funny-no offense.

December 26, 2001
You can ask my old lady, I aint never laid a hand on her... I might have kicked her and thrown s#*@ at her, but I aint never laid a hand on her.
Trucker guy, talking on the CB.

December 13, 2001
Computers Don't Lie.
Eric Dobies, responding to a user question about thier machine.

December 9, 2001
In the same lieu
Eric Dobies, combination of 'In lieu of that' and 'In the same vein'... I think. Takes on a different meaning in England.

December 7, 2001
Our Christmas tradition consists of blowing the dust off of the fiber optic tree...
Doug spreading Christmas joy and love.

November 21, 2001
peace, pot and microdot
Local Stoner, wishing me a happy thanksgiving.

August 22, 2001
...pretty sure I am not gay...
Amitai Schlair, talking to me about his most recent heterosexual relationship.

August 21, 2001
What are you, a lawyer?
So you say you aren't going to drink pepsi anymore. four days later you are. Someone walks up and says, 'Didn't you say you weren't going to drink pepsi anymore?' Let this be your reply.

July 15, 2001
You know true beauty is more than skin deep, but try telling that to your hair.
Finesse Shampoo Blurb on the bottle

July 13, 2001
Pearl Jam, Doobies and Korn.
David Johnson, Through a crossover conversation, this was what Gibby thought my response to what's for lunch was.

July 11, 2001
In a world without walls or fences, what use do we have for Windows or Gates?
David Raine, publisher of Raine Drops Entertainment Daily

July 5, 2001
Acid Absords 47 times its weight in excess reality.
Timothy Leary? OpenBSD QOTD.

July 3, 2001
Well, I wanna know.
JMB's grandfather. - This was his alternative to 'OH SH*T'

June 23, 2001
Poor Kid. Gonna look like her mother.
Eric Dobies. - He was serious. And he was talking about his own kid.

June 22, 2001
119139269: (11:16 PM) hi How would you like to be davidj@getlaid.net? Get a free email address and homepage at http://personals.getlaid.net Because you don't want to make friends, you want to Get Laid.. for free!
ICQ Spam. Doesn't get much better than that.

June 20, 2001
What good is having someone who can walk on water, if you don't follow in his footsteps?
Alex Manuk

June 19, 2001
The odds are good, but the goods are odd.
Guy talking about the women in Alaska.

June 18, 2001
How can I set a laser printer to stun?
One of my favorite sites and email lists, The Usual Suspects

June 14, 2001
Did the other sparkies go with you?
Shop Guy - when I mentioned that I had gone to edgewater park for lunch. He was asking if gibby and helen had come too. I have never been called a 'sparkie'.

June 12, 2001
Let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair
G.K. Chesterton (from beliefnet.com)

May 25, 2001
If a married couple from West Virginia come to Ohio, are they still brother and sister?
Rob Durham - driving back from a meeting.

May 23, 2001
If you are on the grapefruit diet, you eat grapefruit. If you are on a fiber diet, you eat fiber. If you are on the Suzanne Somers diet, what the heck are you eating?
Alex Manuk, When I claimed to be on The Suzanne Somers diet, not the Atkins diet.

April 20, 2001
I like people who are significant to themselves.
Amitai Schlair on people.

April 9, 2001
I think you DO smoke...
Cement Worker outside HKM - Gibby and I go outside to take a bubble break. Two guys outside doing cement work see us blowing bubbles and look at us quizzically. Feeling that ever present need to explain, I tell them that since we don't smoke, we come outside and blow bubbles...

April 4, 2001
Don't Talk - TYPE.
David Johnson - Eric Dobies tells me a problem, I ask him to put it in an email, he starts to tell me the problem again...

March 29, 2001
Is this the outgoing broadcast fax line?
Eric Dobies - uh, as opposed to the incoming broadcast fax line?

March 28, 2001
Give a man a match, you keep him warm for an evening. Light him on fire, he's warm for the rest of his life.
Unknown origin - seen on slashdot.org

March 26, 2001
How many vice presidents does it take to wire a network connection? So far - 2.
David Johnson on a fruitful Monday morning.

January 10, 2001
Sex is a method, not a property.
Amitai Schlair - After I used #include file=this.sex, he stated this.sex() would be more correct

December 27, 2000
I just go with whatever boss told me the information last.
Stephen Schneider - A perfect summation of a recent project.

December 22, 2000
He is a very caring person. I like that in a bald person.
John O'Connell - A passing Icabic brought on this comment, as he warned me not to fall down the stairs.

December 20, 2000
Did you ever notice that he doesn't tell you anything that he is not completely passionate about?
After I expounded on the 99 cent chicken tender sandwiches at burger king...

September 26, 2000
College was the biggest cover charge I ever paid.
Mike Gibson

August 29, 2000
Funny isn't the F word I might have used.
Bill Mortensen

August 14, 2000
I am cancelling my subscription to your issues.
Teri Leighliter - Well said, Teri.

August 13, 2000
Nobody's Persect.
The pastor at the Cornerstone Bible Church.

July 25, 2000
Chicks dig fast typists!
Jeff Mieyal - A little known fact that Jeff shared with me at HKM.

June 28, 2000
If I couldn't give you sugar, I don't know what the hell I would do with you.
Don Wozniak - I am known for my enthusiasm and sparkle, and Don fronted me a nickle to complete a sweets transaction from the lunchroom vending machine.

June 27, 2000
I guess data is very important.
Eric Dobies - After not being able to find some important information, this was said.

June 23, 2000
I didn't take good notes, I just wrote down everything they said.
Gibby - After a meeting we were both in, this was his reply to my comment on his good notes.

May 14, 2000
Church was so nice this morning, with your brother singing and you... being there...
- My Mother - Mom, I know you didn't mean it this way, but it sure sounds funny out of context!

May 11, 2000
You're Not Either!
My Boss - Not having a whiteboard, I used the walls of the shelves in my cubicle to diagram a new network plan. I used a dry erase marker. When my boss saw it, his jaw dropped. I said, 'It's not permanent'. He said...

May 5, 2000
That was a real ButtGuster!
Tom Smith - Inadvertent Spoonerism after an off color joke about life in prison...

April 24, 2000
Death to all Fanatics!
Don't know where it came from, but it cracks me up!

April 14, 2000
Buy, Sell, Lose, Jump.
The goofy guy across the street with the big sign on his garage door.

April 1, 2000
In the kingdom of God, you must first be commited to die for people, before you are permitted to judge them.
Phil Keaggy reading from a book by an author whose name eludes me right now. This is incredibly well put. It is essentialy saying that God is the only one permitted to judge people, because Jesus was the only one commited to die for people.

March 25, 2000
Are Square Dancers round people standing in a square, or square people standing around?
Pat Proctor - Variation on a Disney Skit that asked if square dancers were round people, I loved it.

March 4, 2000
I get paid 60 minutes an hour.
John Haller - Recently recovering from a heart attack, he is retired and spending lots of time with his grandkids. When asked how much he got paid for all the help he gives his daughter, this was his reply.

February 23, 2000
You need a headhunter to find a good headhunter for you.
Amitai Schlair - Commenting on my disgust with finding a job in another city and the headhunters that I worked with.

February 23, 2000
Stop figuring out why you can't do it, and just assume you have to. Figure out how, then figure out how to enjoy it, and then do it. And none of the above will turn out to have actually been hard at all. And your life will go the way you want it to.
Amitai's Friends Dad - Okay, so it is reaching. I don't know who said it, don't know if it is precisely what they said, but I truly understand the concept.

February 10, 2000
Did you push the Button?
Erica Dobies - When I worked at Progressive Computing, I had trouble with my voice mailbox. I was told to speak to Erica about it. I had been shown how to use it and even read the manual. I was hired as an IT consultant, accessing voice mail was not a chore for me. After numerous attempts and showing Shane Hughes and Tracey Ash that it wasn't working, I called Erica. I said, "My voice mail box is not working correctly". She said, "Did you push the button?" I said, "Did I push the button? Uh, YEAH, I pushed the button." She said, "Oh, okay, I will let the phone people know." I hung up and out loud all day was saying, 'Did I push the button? -- What the h@77 kind of question is that -- Did I push the button?'

January 25, 2000
Why get married? Why not just buy a house and give it to someone that hates you? Save some time...
Howard Stern - Very funny comment from a cynical soon to be divorced man.

January 18, 2000
Two is a breeze, Three is a head count.
Donald Beck - Commenting on the growing size of my family, and the changing dynamics.

December 28, 1999
I didn't want to ask the guy because he was really smelly-looking.
David Johnson - With Amitai Schlair and David Carlin describing a guy in NYC. They got quite a kick out of the semi opposites smelly and looking but agreed that it makes a good word picture.

November 5, 1999
A balanced life is obtained through the quality of your hours at work and the quantity of your hours at home.
Glenn Brzuziewski - On the drive back from a clients.

November 2, 1999
If you're going to play with swords, don't come crying to me.
Justin Alcorn - Talking to his children while on the phone (contributed by Joseph Albanese)

October 27, 1999
Is it any surprise that Iranians are better than Americans at Soccer - a game where you can't use your hands?
Dennis Miller - Dennis Miller Live

October 21, 1999
Because I can - because I'm Jewish.
Amitai Schlair - After being asked why he exclaimed - "Jesus!&#@&^!"

October 21, 1999
Tell me what you *think* you're talking about...
Amitai Schlair - A little edgy, a little frustrated... as was I.

October 20, 1999
I was gonna wish for more hours in the day, but that would just prolong the agony.
Eric Dobies - Network Administrator that is way overworked.

October 18, 1999
All logical questions will be considered insubordination.
Bill Devoe - Commenting on Work Place Politics, repeated to Eric Dobies as he contemplates driving very far to work.

October 4, 1999
It takes work not to care what people think.
Raj

October 2, 1999
An Intense Aloofness
Michael Moorman - Commenting on the way he used to size up his opponents at a track meet, just kind of looking around seeing who his competion would be...

September 30, 1999
Can you email me some happy drops?
Amitai Schlair - Happy drops can be bought at Drug Stores that sell homeopathic medicines. They are non-addictive unless you use them all the time.

September 22, 1999
What I thought were precious memories turned out to be bad taste in music.
David Johnson - Conversation with Joe Albanese about listening to Queen's The Game, an album I had as a teenager.

August 13th, 1999
If they have a goatee, are they just living together?
Winford Hylton - Wondering about Amish Men growing a beard as soon as they are married.

August 13th, 1999
You know you're a hillbilly when you let your 12 year old smoke at the table, in front of her children.
Cousin Don Beck - Commenting on West Virginia Reunions...

August 12th, 1999
Men your age usually are gay.
Greg Taylor - As contributed by 30 year old (and single)Eric Davis (2nd Greg Taylor Quote).

August 6th, 1999
I could never be a Jehovah's Witness... I didn't see the accident. As far as I know, Jehovah didn't hit anybody.
Greg Taylor - After discovering why traffic was so bad downtown with all the JW seminars going on.

July 28, 1999
Attracts More End Users
Can't give you too much on this one and still keep that family fair going. Suffice it to say, it is a computer term...

July 1, 1999
Enough to guess well.
The best answer to the "What do you know about..." questions that inevitably surface in this industry.

June 29, 1999
What happens when I click the delete button?
I refused to answer this question.

June 27, 1999
How many more Babes are out there?
A feminist commenting on Babe ruth starting at pitcher but being moved to the outfield because he could hit. Her point was that there were a lot of women that are not in the position they should be in. I don't think that she meant it to come out sounding this way.

June 26, 1999
I have abandoned my search for truth and am now looking for a good fantasy.
Ashleigh Brilliant at Pot-Shots.

June 25, 1999
Smoking is dangerous.
Dr. Hardesty commenting on a news story about a woman who went outside for a cigarette and was attacked by a rabid fox.

June 24, 1999
So, Like, *who* is Eric Dobies?
Amitai commenting on the June 21 quote since he thinks he knows who I am talking about.

June 21, 1999
No one can make a network drop like Eric Dobies.
David Johnson - Said when asked hours later how the 'network drop' that was run was working.